Sundry Posts

Four Lesson’s Learned in Grief

dandelion-415237_1280One of my great uncles died recently and I had the opportunity to attend his visitation. I’m not sure what it is called in other areas, but visitation is before the funeral where the deceased is on display. It’s a time for reconnection with family and old friends as many traveled from far away to attend.

As I grow older, there are things I am learning things about my family that I didn’t know.

1. Families often have a “look”. I overheard someone say that my brother’s have the look of the family. This is a lesson I learned after observing both my family and my husband’s. Is it in the hairline or perhaps the set of the shoulders? I’m not sure. But I can often recognize it.
2. Though a family death is a sad occasion, there is still cause for joy in the shared memories and reconnection.
3. All families grieve differently. My family’s end of life traditions are very different from my husbands. One isn’t better than the other, just different.
4. For some, this season of grieving is not complete without a bit of a party. My family certainly agrees with this.

My Uncle Paul enjoyed a beer or two, so the family grieved in the only way they could, by sharing a cold beer as the sun began to set. Family members who hadn’t seen each other in years got caught up. Old and new generations intermingled while struggling to remember aged faces and just when did Great-grandpa die. For me, this is all part of my family and traditions.

It was good seeing my brothers, aunts, uncles, Grandma and my dad. This reminded me that we don’t take the time to see each other often enough. I’ve often thought that funerals shouldn’t be mistaken for family reunions though it often seems the case. I believe it is important to reconnect as we are able.

What kind of traditions does your family have for the end of life?


  • Julie

    Our family creates new traditions at every turn…so are they traditions then? I hope that for me they will burn candles -lots and lots and lots of them- and drum and sing. So we all better practice our drumming songs!!!!! . Maybe a quiet meditation before the noise. I will locate a reading…my last thoughts to share.
    And I am getting old. Time to locate the music I expect you poor souls to have to listen to. More of my last words!!! Oh, and did I mention that this will happen OUTSIDE around a campfire! And maybe waterside? Wear your snuggly sweatshirts and jeans! Somebody bring the bug dope!